Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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