"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She bit a glass in half.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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