she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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