I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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