This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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