If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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