the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
