You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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