the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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