Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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