I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
