it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
