Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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