Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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