oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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