You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
