for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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