Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
