I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
