You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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