Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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