Moan for me like Helen Keller
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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