a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
