I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
