break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish you could order shots online.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
