WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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