ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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