My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
