So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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