believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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