If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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