I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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