On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
