Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
