I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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