i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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