There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
