Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
