My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
