watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
