We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
