Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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