Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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