Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize