On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
