i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
