Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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