i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
