i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
