I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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