dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
