Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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