eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
