I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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