pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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