I'm really into asian looking animals
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
