Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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