You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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