Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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