apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
