Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
