She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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