Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
