I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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