Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
