just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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